An aphorism that I grew up appreciating and has shaped my life is to “live simply so that others may simply live”. To reduce consumption is an important value to me. While it is a lifelong practice I strive towards, I recognize that it comes from a place of privilege and that I have the choice to decide to consume less. This isn't to say that I don't have my fair share of commodities that I have shame or guilt about indulging in. However, I am not interested in being defined by my stuff but I do know that I am not nearly cool enough to have a collection of shoes or nice cars, haha!
I sympathize, being a mother myself, with the struggle you face with your daughter. I hold in high regard what people think of my children. While I know they are their own people, I still believe they are an extension of me and their actions reflect upon me. I am mostly concerned with them being polite (Say thank you. Did you thank your uncle for your birthday gift?) and responsible (Do your chores! Is your homework done?).
I acknowledge your comment that we are all searching for balance. I know I have a lot of work to do.